Never say never

I finally broke down and went and saw it. Sure, it was a long time coming, but I fought it for a while. A good 5 or 6 years, really.



I went by myself in case I had to race out of the theatre screaming with my hands covering my eyes or ears or both. I wasn't really sure what to expect, but it turned out to be ok. I mean I had to look down at my program and breath deeply a few times...5 times to be exact...but it was worth it. And I wasn't expecting to say that after the fact.



You see, ever since I was little, I have been petrified of the Wizard of Oz. And by petrified, I mean my heart still races when I see Dorothy or Toto or the Tinman or someone thinks they're clever and they sing 'We represent the Lollipop Guild' to me. Let me tell you, you are not clever. People have been singing those stupid songs to me since I was age 8. And each time they do it, I get a little clammy and I force a smile and politely ask them to stop. And by politely, I mean I scream it at them.


Anyhoodle. The other part of this story is you should know how much I LOVE live theatre. I prefer musical theater over straight theatre but really, if it is a live performance, I'm there. One time I tried to write down all the shows I have seen and lost count after 100. No exaggeration. No, really, it's bad. Or good. Depending on which side you're on. So it's a little ironic that my biggest fear is a form of my most favorite thing in the entire world. I could get philosophical here, but I won't. And you shouldn't either. Mmkay.


So when the national tour of Wicked came to town, I sheepishly came up with excuse after excuse not to go see it. I have been to New York about 47 times and dodged it each time. I have been invited to Chicago twice to go see it and have turned it down. I have been invited to Kansas City to go see it and again, turned it down. So finally, when a ticket was handed to me, I sighed and said, Ok. I would give it a try.


I bravely walked into the PAC and found my seat. Of course, they had to open with those freakish monkeys. (Look down at the program, deep breath in, deep breath out instance #1). And then came the green girl, Elphaba. She was ok until that bitch Galinda gave her the black pointy hat (Look down, breath, breath, instance #2). This pattern continued throughout the show particularly when the Wizard appeared. I nearly yelped when Elphaba appeared in a mirror all green and scary looking and then heaven help me when she laughed. That awful, awful laugh. And then she melted. Oh geez. I can't even type about it.



Let's get to the good stuff- the part where I offer my humble review. Despite being scared out of my skin a few select times, it was by far the best tour I have ever seen. By far the best show stopping-close the first act-get to your feet because it's intermission but really you were just jumping up because it was so amazing-want to yell curtain! and clap as loud as you can-number I have ever seen. (Sorry, Sutton.) And I am glad I saw it. I am still singing the songs in the shower (insert pity and feeling of sorrow for my husband here).



But, I don't think I want to see it ever again. Again with the irony, but let's just leave it at that.