I am 16, going on 92

Ok, so I am neither 16 nor am I 92. But some days I feel like I am the latter. My evidence:

The iphone.

Let me preface this rant by saying that I am a BlackBerry girl. Judge all you want. I can take it. I take regular abuse from my loving husband, who is very much an iphone guy thanks to his fabulous, smart, witty, (oh, I could go on) loving wife who has bought him two, count them, TWO iphones in his little lifetime. So I am very familiar with the really cool apps, the obnoxious price tag and the ridiculous data fee we pay each month.

The main reason I am a BlackBerry girl, however, is because of the impressive power the iphone has over me. I automatically turn into a 92 year-old woman every time I touch one.

I cannot figure out how to type on it. I constantly misspell things because well, even my dainty size 4 ring fingers seem too big to touch just one letter at a time. And the automatic spell-it-out for-you thing? Doesn't work for me. I end up typing sentences like, "Hey- Why done you merit us at them ham?"

Sure, I really wanted our friends to "meet us at the game," but they will probably raise an eyebrow, scratch their head and never show up because I just asked them to join us for a slice of ham or something. And everyone knows I don't eat ham.

And what is with the screen just going black? A couple of weekends ago, we visited some friends in Dallas. The guys went to a football game and the girls set out to tackle some serious shopping. My friend, not knowing the iphone's magical powers, asked me to navigate by reading the directions she had pulled up. I could feel myself breaking into a cold sweat as she tossed me her iphone. I was feeling pretty confident despite the fact I was holding the thing like a I hold a newborn- very awkwardly- until the screen just decided it had seen enough of my face and went black.

"Wait!" I screamed. "How the hell do you get back to the directions??" My very patient friend grabbed the device, slide, click, tap, tap, tap, and I am pretty sure she did the hokey pokey and turned herself about and all of a sudden the driving directions were back up in front of me.

I laughed nervously, "Whew! That was a close one!" She just smiled. This process happened about seven more times over the course of the day. I still don't know how to get back to the screen I was on once it decides it doesn't want to look at me anymore. It's sad, really.

I would love to blog some more, really, I would, but I've been up since four and it's time to put on my slippers, brew some coffee, go out in my robe and get the paper and then rush to the bank to cash my social security check.